Easy Ways to Ease Anger

Preface

Today, the world is in a period of vengeance. World peace is fading away, tension is building up which could lead to another world war. People across the globe are living in an age of terror going shopping or being in a crowd, we fear suicide bombings; taking a plane, we become worried about hijacking or possible missile attacks launched by terrorists.

For these problems, we all put the blame on other people, other races, or other nations. However, after a careful and thorough consideration, we find that anger is one of the main causes of every conflict. Once gripped by fury, one will not be able to eat nor sleep well; one will also be consumed by fury regardless of time or place. Family squabbles, workplace discords, terrorist attacks, as well as warfare, all originate from anger. Therefore, anger is one of the worlds' biggest dangers, and must be eliminated in a bid to save mankind.

This book provides basic knowledge about anger and takes examples from thoughts, sayings, poetry and real-life stories to show how anger can be controlled. Most of the passages are short and easy to read and to apply, helping to provide fast and effective anger relief. Indeed, having read the book (in Thai), one reader commented, It has a similar therapeutic effect on anger as paracetamol has on aches and fever.

The first edition of the book (in Thai) received many comments and criticisms. Many readers commented that the flow of thought was not continuous due to some incomplete passages. But in fact those passages were completed or only the excerpts were presented. There were also some conflicts among the readers' views. For example, some readers enjoyed the poetry while others found it difficult to understand. Adjusting the text to meet the needs of all readers is therefore challenging. However, on the whole, the first edition received a warm response from readers.

During the 2002-3 academic year, 1,592 secondary school and university students read the book and answered a questionnaire on it. Of those who replied, 50.1% felt that this book was highly effective in helping control anger, 49.2% felt it to be somewhat effective, while 0.7% replied that it did not help at all. This means 99.3% of the readers felt that the book helped control anger. Such rewarding figures from the readers of the Thai version help support the fact that the way to ease anger proposed in this book are practical and effective.

The second edition sees adjustments in the text to reflect readers comments, including the addition of 3 chapters, 21 pictures and a brand new colorful cover. Moreover, with the support of a team of dedicated translators and reviewers, the second edition is also available in English, the aim being to make the contents of the book accessible to wider, international readers. It is hoped that the English version will be received as warmly as did the Thai version.

Other people, other races are not our enemies but our friends. Mankindีs greatest enemy in the past, in the present, and in the future, has been, is, and will be anger. Therefore, nuclear or biological weapon disarmament cannot bring about peace; we must keep a lid on anger by reducing it or preventing it from occurring in the first place. By cultivating peace in your heart as well as in the hearts of those around you, war will be stopped, peace will return, and we humans, will live forever in peace and harmony.


Ambassador of the Mind
Bangkok, Thailand
June 2, 2004

 

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>Basic Knowledge about Anger

Anger has poisonous root and sweet release. This old saying means that, in the beginning, anger will poison the mind, causing irritation, impatience and rage, prompting the angry persons to vent their feelings by scolding, attacking, or damaging the object of their anger. After the outburst, they will feel satisfied, which explains why anger is said to have sweet release.

In 1992, a native of Uttaradit, Thailand, in his mid-thirties came to a hospital in Bangkok for a heart surgery. During several days of various examinations prior to the operation, the man was treated badly by a ward nurse who spoke to him rudely and bossed him around. His irritation grew stronger as days passed, as the foul-mouthed nurse continued to nag him incessantly.

After the surgery, the man regained his consciousness, only to see the bossy nurse and hear nasty words coming from her foul mouth. Angered by her words and behavior, he plotted revenge.

Several days later, the patient happened to spot on a table next to his bed, a basket full of fruit, a gift from one of his friends. Inside the basket was a bunch of bananas. Though still frail and helpless, the man made an effort to grab a banana a backbreaking task. He had to rest for a while before regaining his breath. Then he peeled off the banana skin and tossed it onto the floor, with the expectation that the much-hated nurse would step on it. Things went as planned the nurse came in, and just as she was about to speak, she stepped on the banana skin and fell. Much to his satisfaction, the man burst into laughter. As a result, his wounds reopened, and he had to be rushed back to the operation room for surgery again.

(A true story contributed by Ajarn Aree Boonsue,
a retired Education Ministry officer)

Apart from having poisonous root and sweet release as seen in the example above, anger is also like a bomb, which when it explodes, first destroys itself, but then creates shrapnel which damages nearby persons or objects. In the same manner, in some people, senses and decency are destroyed by growing anger, leading them to inflict damage on persons around them (that they see as enemies) through words and deeds until their senses are regained.

Here are the levels of anger (ranked according to the degree of intensity):

1. Troubled mind

2. Trembling

3. Verbal assault

4. Physical assault

5. Murder

6. Murder followed by suicide (the highest degree of anger) as in the following example of Robert:

19-year-old Robert lived with his mother following his parents' separation. The three barely got along. The taciturn youth went to Gutenberg High School in Erfurt, Germany. He got good grades but was expelled from school after he failed to attend classes.

As a member of a local shooting club and having obtained a license, Robert had several guns of his own. On April 26, 2002, the teenager went on a shooting rampage slaying 16 people 13 teachers, 2 students, and 1 officer. When the police arrived on the scene, the young murderer turned the gun on himself, sending the death toll to 17. It was the most horrendous massacre the world had witnessed in 20 years with bodies scattered about on the school premises. Many students were in complete shock.

Police searched the compound and found 500 bullets hidden in a school restroom. It was believed that the bullets were intended for a gunfight with the police or for a shooting spree.

Survivors said that apart from Robert they saw another gunman in the school, who possibly could have escaped. His friends said they still had a hard time believing that the quiet and reclusive young man could commit such an unspeakable crime. Authorities said the youngster's shooting frenzy was in revenge for his expulsion from school months ago due to skipping classes and forging documents. The punishment barred him from taking the university entrance examination.

(The Thairath Daily, April 27-28, 2002)

When burning rage consumes your mind,
Blinds your heart, distorts your sense,
It drives you to a vicious crime,
Committed to vent the soul from heat.

(Ambassador of the Mind)

Anger is bad for health. An American psychological journal reported that people with chronic anger are more likely to develop heart disease than smokers or those with high blood pressure or other risk factors. The research was conducted with 774 Caucasian male subjects, average age 60, with differing cholesterol levels, blood pressure, weight, proportion of waist to hip and smoking and drinking habits. The results showed a higher correlation between heart diseases and anger and hatred than any other risk factors, such as smoking, high cholesterol levels, etc.

(The Thairath Daily, November 22, 2002)

Having spent 15 years observing 3,300 teenage volunteers, scientists at Northwestern University in Chicago, USA, reached a conclusion that short-tempered teenagers who reacted aggressively were 84% more likely to develop high blood pressure in their late thirties than their calmer counterparts. The more aggressive they were, the riskier it became, they said.

Therefore, hot temper is a major risk factor to develop high blood pressure.

(The Thairath Daily, October 28, 2003)

US researchers also found that quick-tempered young men with no history of heart disease in their family were five times as likely as their calmer counterparts to suffer from a heart attack earlier in life. The former group also has 3 times the stroke-related mortality risk of their good-humored peers.

A piece of advice for testy young men find a way to deal with your anger. A recent study found that the condition of heart patients who learned to control their anger improved noticeably. However, researchers doubted whether it could be applied to easily irritable women.

(The Thairath Daily, April 25, 2002)

There was a 45-year-old woman weighing around 100 kilograms. She was married with children; her husband later had a mistress. One day, the lawful wife went to the mistress' house to look for her husband, but ended up quarrelling with the mistress before collapsing and passing out. The mistress called the woman's children, who rushed to the scene only to find their mother already dead. They believed she had been injured by the mistress.

After the post-mortem, Thailand's most renowned forensic expert Doctor Pornthip Rojanasunan explained that the woman had not likely been injured as she was much bigger than the other woman. The likelier scenario was that the two had gotten into a brawl, with the wife getting infuriated as a result. This quickened her heartbeats, clotted the veins and resulted in a deadly heart attack.

(An extract from I Fight for the Dead,
by Doctor Pornthip Rojanasunan)

Psychologist Orison Swett Marden wrote that anger is destructive to our physical health. The consequences of anger are as follows:

1. Loss of the sense of taste, resulting in loss of appetite;

2. Digestive disorders;

3. Crippled nerves;

4. Sickened body;

5. Self-poisoning. Anger will cause the body to produce poisonous chemicals, which, like the venom of a snake, will harm your health;

6. Slow growth. Children suffering bullying or maltreatment are found to suffer abnormally slow growth.

According to his experiments, Professor Gates detected differences between the chemical composition of anger-induced sweat and normal sweat. In fact, anger prompted the body into producing toxic substances. The scientist suggested that, to prevent these undesirable effects of anger, we should undertake sweaty exercise, because it could relieve hatred and even neutralize the toxins in our body.

(An excerpt from Moral Support,
by Luang Vichitvadakarn)

Some are fussy, unpredictable, and can be easily irritated by the smallest things such as the weather and their surroundings. Just like the Thai saying which goes, To curse when it rains, to complain when it's dry, these finicky people are touchy but can get over their anger quickly just like marks in the sand which fade away with a slight breeze or the rising tide.

A 34-year-old Singaporean housewife, married for 16 years with 3 children, flew into a rage after hearing from a friend that her husband, a 37-year-old used-car dealer, was having an affair. Judging from his changing new cars recently and his returning home late at night, the woman planned to divorce her husband.To inflict revenge on him for his infidelity, she rushed to the car tent, and mindlessly smashed 18 vehicles, most of which were luxury cars such as Mercedes Benz and Volvo, with a pound hammer, severely damaging the carsี windshields and bodies.

I decided to vent my anger first, before making any inquiry, or else things could have gotten worse, the super-jealous wife told reporters. However, when the woman was told that the damage was estimated to run as high as 60,000 US dollars, she passed out.

(The Thairath Daily, December 7, 2002)

In March 1999, U.S. newspapers reported that a 39-year-old man named Boyle, furious at his car which broke down on the road, got out, reached for an AK rifle, and started spraying bullets at his vehicle, which was later found to be riddled with over 30 bullets. This stupid reaction put Boyle in a bad situation apart from costly repair bills, he also had to pay an additional 2,500 US dollars to bail himself out.

Another example: Mr. Raymond, 49, shot a toilet bowl at a food restaurant, claiming the flushing was too slow. He was arrested on charges of illegal firearms possession, being drunk and disorderly, as well as causing damage to other's private property.

These examples show how anger can ruin you.

(Matichon newspaper, March 13 and 21, 1999)

For woes and trouble do not quest
Be at peace, be at rest.
Else otherีs fault one cannot claim
One only has oneself to blame.

(An old saying)

Others have extremely good memory they won't forget wrongs inflicted upon them, be they big or small. They always harbor hatred for a long time like a mark on the rock which, come wind or water, does not fade with the passage of time.

When the anger accumulates and becomes unbearable, the outburst is usually violent.

For more than 10 years, Phon, 74, a former police officer, had been quarrelling with Thonglor, 82, the head of a local senior citizen club, who usually took the matter to the police and filed defamation suits against Phon. This greatly displeased Phon, who said Thonglor did not behave like a man.

On June 1, 1998, the hatred erupted into violence when old Phon grabbed a gun and walked to Thonglorีs house, intent on taking revenge. Thonglor was watching TV with his wife and children when Phon arrived. When Thonglor answered the door, Phon shot him repeatedly and instantly killed him. Thonglor's wife and daughter were also severely wounded.

(Siam Rath newspaper, June 3, 1998)

When scorned by others, be angry not,
If their cruel words ring untrue.
And if we are just as they say,
Be angry not; they're right'bout you!

(An old saying)

Some people are vindictive and unforgiving even the smallest offenses could make them hot under the collar and go for retaliation. If retribution is impossible at the moment, they will wait patiently for a chance to strike back. Forgiving the object of their anger is out of the question.

On July 15, 1999, Mrs. Pornchit, 24, brought a lunchbox to her daughter at a kindergarten school in one of Thailand's southern provinces. As she reached the school building, her husband Niphon appeared out of nowhere and slashed her in the neck with a large butcher knife, killing her instantly. The young children who witnessed the ghastly scene were traumatized.

Niphon was a jobless bastard who spent most of his time gambling, never paying attention to his family. This greatly upset Pornchit and her relatives. Prior to the murder, the couple got into a fight, prompting the wife to ask for a divorce. This could have been the motive behind the homicide.

(Siam Rath newspaper, June 16, 1999)

Having read this far, some readers may be angry at the evil people described in the passages. If so, you should control your anger. In fact, those people described are to be pitied, as they are the victims of anger. Being enslaved to anger, one is made to commit evil deeds which bring sins and sufferings on oneself, both in the present and in the future. Reacting to the passages with anger shows that the reader is also under the influence of anger. If the reader allows anger to grow too often, one day, he/she may be tempted to commit violent, evil deeds. Therefore, instead of becoming angry at those people, it is better to seek ways of controlling or dispelling the anger.</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

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<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>How to Cope with Gossips and Verbal Abuses

Gossip is not a new invention; it has been practiced since ancient times. One who is sitting still is faulted for being like a dummy; a chatty person is said to be jabbering endlessly like a chatterbox. Even a moderately talking person can be criticized Why does he/she think his/her speech is silver or gold, and say only a few words?

Even the earth, the sun and the moon have long been the objects of criticism. No one was, is or will be exempt from gossip.

Blames are like waste from a toilet bowl
Which, amassed, yields a stench so foul.
If rejected, i'll go back to
The stinking mouths that bark at you.
The sun, the moon that light the earth,
Are all subject to nasty words.
Some people talk what is abler
Than wagging of a gossiper?

(Si Trad)

When given a gift, we usually keep it for use if it's a good, useful thing. But if it's useless waste some foul-smelling garbage then we have to throw it away to prevent it from making our home dirty and messy. One should treat words the same way. If they are good and constructive, they are worth listening to and keeping in mind. Gossip, on the contrary, is like useless, stinking rubbish which should not be remembered and should be disposed of immediately.

When dogs and bears have horns
And lizards grow tusks, turtles sprout beards
When comes smoke without a fire,
Then may humans escape criticism.

(An old saying)

Words are just currents of air coming out of the mouth which will soon vanish in the air. They cannot wound or harm us physically they are just like a gentle breeze that sweeps past us before fading away. Insults hurled at us evaporate almost instantly, leaving no traces. But why do we still hold on to these empty, invisible objects that have already vanished, and continue to suffer from them? Is it wise to do so?

Bygone pain, disappointment,
Seek out not with your thoughts
Over things past yourself to torment
Is like a fool, with low EQ, to be caught.

(Ambassador of the Mind)

Words of praise or criticism are simply hot air. A man is not made good by praise or bad by blame.

Blame and insults are like poison that our enemies prepare for us so as to infuriate us, to destroy our ability to work, to undermine our health, and to disturb the peace of our body and mind. Why should we swallow such poison?

(Excerpt from Moral Support,
by Luang Vichitvadakarn)

We may be upset by the abusive, sarcastic, or belittling words of others. But if we are tolerant enough, not falling victim to anger and aggression, then those verbal attacks will pass as we pretend to be ignorant or turn a deaf ear on them. After all, why should't ordinary people like us sometimes receive harsh criticisms and abusive comments? Even powerful presidents and prime ministers are heavily criticized. Then how can we, as commoners, escape being slighted?

(Sujib Punyanubhab)

Whoever likes you or hates you,
Let it go.
Whoever praises or applauds you,
I gnore it.
Whoever is bored and pesters you,
Stay patient.
If your heart is peaceful and serene,
That is enough.

(An old saying)

Some people are preoccupied with retaliation and revenge, and lash back quickly at the slightest offence. These people will often think it over for the right words that will upset the hearer. Sometimes they even lose sleep over it.

There was the story of a man who, having had an argument with an acquaintance, rowed off in a temper. Coming up with few appropriate harsh words, though he had passed two river bends already, he rowed back just to launch those verbal attacks at his adversary for revenge. How can these anger-harboring people find happiness in their lives?

(Sujib Punyanubhab)

Others cannot corrupt us; the only ones in the world capable of doing so are our own selves. A hundred people condemning us all day long cannot debase us. But if we get even with them through verbal or physical abuse, we become as base as them.

When others verbally abuse us, they are trying to make us react and debase ourselves. The purpose of the attackers is to make us a bad person, to reduce us to degenerative animals like pigs. However, if we are tolerant and can control ourselves, then we are the winners. But if we strike back out of anger, then our opponents triumph as they can fulfil their intentions. Having self-control will show our enemies that there are people who are not as bad as them. This may help prevent them from sinking further into the mire, and we will gain merit out of that.

(Excerpt from Alleviating Doubts,
by Colonel Pin Muthukan)

When someone insults us, instead of thinking, This person is insulting me!, we should carefully consider what he or she is saying. We may ask the aggressor to repeat the phrase, which came so fast and incomprehensibly. If they call us a pig, then we consider how a person can be a pig and what kind of pig it is: a local or a foreign one, a male or a female one. Then we may see that the insult does not make sense; it is too short, ungrammatical, and ineffective; it should be returned to the owners for rephrasing.

Taking a humorous approach like this will down our emotions and curb our build up of anger.

(Excerpt from The Rust in our Heart,
by Colonel Pin Muthukan)

Listen to insults, for they are rare,
Try to grasp their sense and meaning.
If, in the end, you can't comprehend,
Ask the speaker to repeat his words.

If someone gives you a scornful glare,
Do not feel vexed or return the stare.
If the hurtful look stops, after a while,
Ask her to gaze again with those lovely eyes!

(Si Trad)</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>​

 

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>Quotations and Sayings to Prevent Anger

When your view by others is not seen,

Hasten not their wisdom to demean,

For fault may partly lie with you,

Your words, unclear, just won't get through.

(An old saying)

Quand on a pas ce que'lon aime, il faut aimer ce que'lon a.

(When we don't have what we like, we must like what we have.)

(A French proverb)

Just as the land is not smooth everywhere, people do not think the same way everywhere. So don't be upset or get angry at others who do not share our opinions or those who fail to meet our expectations. Everything in the world goes the way it should, not the way we want, and is not subject to the command of anyone. Even we sometimes cannot understand ourselves or meet our own expectations, so why expect others to do so?

Why look for someone that is pleasing?

ีCause we often meet not our expectation.

Keep in mind the three Transience, Suffering

And Soullessness to avert dissatisfaction.

(Uthan Dharma)

Anger is a fire of impurities that devours the heart of the infuriated. Despite the wrath that consumes us, we somehow cannot curse or spread the heated feelings to our enemies and make them suffer the way we do. Therefore, even though we are the ones who are angry at others, it is not the objects of our fury that undergo emotional pain and lose their sleep and/or appetite instead it is us who suffer.

Some philosophers said feeling angry is like picking up a bar of hot steel or a handful of excrement (then tossing it at our rivals). Feeling exasperated behind their back is therefore equivalent to carrying the hot metal or human waste, without flinging it at anybody. By doing this, the enraged has to bear the heated metal or the foul smell alone, without anybody sharing this unpleasant experience. The more often he/she becomes infuriated, the more time he/she has to bear it. Hanging on to wrath is tantamount to holding tight the scorching steel or squeezing the smelly body waste. Imagine how despicable and pathetic it is, and ask yourself: Should I let myself be this way?

Though angry at others, it's us who suffer.

The searing heat inside, no matter what we do.

Then, what's the good of harboring anger

Keeping it, and not letting it go?

(Ambassador of the Mind)

Everyone has good and bad points. If you objectively look at any person at whom you may be angry, you will be able to see good in him/her, no matter how small it may be. When you find this, focus your mind on it and ignore his/her faults. In this way, the anger will fade away.

In our daily lives, we meet many people some good, some bad and verbal offenses or some other conflicts are naturally inevitable. Therefore, if you have to face discourtesy or offensive acts, think positively: It could have been worse than this. or They do me one wrong but I give two rights in return patience and forgiveness.

Forget itำ is a good way to stop anger. The implication is not to think about or pay attention to the object of our fury. Whatever is not our duty, forget it. When we are mad or hate somebody, forget it as well. It does't matter what anyone does forget it! For if we can do so, then we can live peacefully in this chaotic world, without worries or anger at anyone about any matter, be it work or family.

Forget it should be applied

In the face of all lifes woes

Family and work problems.

Why get angry? Just let it go.

(Ambassador of the Mind)

There are a lot of things in this world that we have't heard or seen, and it is not necessary to see, hear, or know everything. We should sometimes pretend not to see or hear something, and try to shut our ears and close our eyes. Then our life will be happier, with fewer worries and troublesome matters.

When it's time to turn blind,

Do not watch just close your eyes.

When it's time to be mute,

Do not speak a word hold your peace.

When it's time to turn deaf,

Do not listen cover your ears.

This is a riddle for the learned to ponder.

(An old saying)

When you feel infuriated or hateful, rush to see your face in the mirror. At no other time will your face look uglier and more repulsive.

(Sa-nga Arumpee, songwriter)

Staying silent is better than lying; frustration is better than having an affair with another manีs wife; forgetting your spite is better than pondering the words of a cynical person.

The demeanor of a sage, though perturbed, does not change. Likewise, cold water in the ocean will not turn hot no matter how much flaming heat is put in to boil it.

(Hitopadesha, translated by Sathirakoses)

Just as the earth can bear all the weight in the world, so should we be able to bear affront coming from anybody.

Just as water is, so should we always keep that is, do not feel angry, do not harm others, and be filled with patience, loving kindness and compassion.

(Questions of Menander, Cakkavattivagga)

Clear out those troubles and worries,

Wash them away from your mind.

Ignore all matters of nonsense

Let them go past your ears and eyes.

(Ko Khaosuanluang)

Most people in the world are ordinary people who, imperfect, are selfish and speak and do things at will, thus causing others to suffer. Therefore, it is normal that someone might have done, or might be doing something unpleasant to us, offending us in one way or another. To expect that he or she would do something beneficial to us is unlikely. Such reflection may help alleviate anger.

Being angry at someone will not destroy his or her virtue. On the contrary, our anger will destroy our own virtue.

Try standing in other peoples shoes. Remember that they can sometimes be unwise and reckless; they may attempt to take advantage of you whenever possible; they can suffer from nervous breakdowns just like us all. But they do not have to suffer or die for us. This way of thinking can help relieve anger.

Those who are first to anger are fools. Those who become angry in reply are even more foolish. A person who becomes angry is like a clumsy pedestrian who walks into a pond of foul, smelly water by mistake. As for he who angers in reply, he is like a person who, on seeing that the person in front has fallen into the foul water, instead of being careful to avoid it, follows right in! The follower is clearly the more foolish of the two. We should therefore not become angry in response to an angry person if we do not wish to become the more foolish person.

When anger arises, the foolish man will kill the object of his anger, or himself, or both. The wise man will kill the anger and no one else.

If you want to meet the man of your dreams, keep smiling sweetly. If you want to stay lonely, keep getting angry.

It is easy to get angry. The challenge is not to get angry.

If you want to look good, don't hold on to bad mood.

Not to anger easily brings peace to family.</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

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<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>The True Winner

Private Vor, a conscript of the 3rd Army Area Unit based in Thailand's northern Phitsanulok province, wrote to Colonel Pin Muthukan (then Major) describing his frustration. The content of the letter is as follows:

My mother died when I was 15. My father married a widow with one daughter, so my younger sister and I came to be under the care of his new wife. Shortly afterward, the stepmother gambled away most of my father's assets; the rest were given to her daughter, who was of the same age as my sister. Then the twosome began to bully and abuse us. They treated us badly as if we were their servants. As I was about to get a job as a teacher, which meant I would have enough money for both of us, we planned to leave and find a new home, but then I got enlisted. As a result, my sister had to be under the control of the stepmother, who got more chance to abuse her, as my father had to travel to Bangkok pretty often, and only stayed home for no more than 10 days per month.

Last Saturday I went to visit my sister, and the sight of her nearly made me . She had fallen ill since Thursday, but the stepmother's daughter still forced her to do the washing. My sister tried to follow her order, but caught a fever due to the cold water, so she carried the washing back home and went to bed. When the daughter saw my sister, she began scolding the poor girl and tore the blanket off her. The stepmother, arriving home from card games, also slapped my sister in the face and stomped on her stomach as punishment.

My arrival made the woman think my sister had asked me to come to fight them, so the former had a police officer her daughter's boyfriend come to her house.

As I was carrying my sister downstairs, they all laughed and mocked us. The stepmother asked contemptuously where my sister would be buried.

The policeman asked the stepmother's daughter: What does she have?

The girl replied: Rabies.

At that time I tried to hold my anger just as you advised on the radio and resorted to silence. We took a train to Phitsanulok, where I went to seek help from the Lieutenant of the Army's Medical Staff, who gave her medicine. When my sister had fully recovered, I took her to a temple and asked a nun to look after her.

Still enraged by the pair's cruelty, I plan revenge. But then, I intend to wait another two months until I have completed my military service because I have never committed any wrongs since I got enlisted. If I do anything during this time, people will blame the military and say we are a bunch of crooks, not soldiers. For now, my sister has decided to become a nun. As for me, I plan to go to jail, changing from being a good guy to being a bad guy, entering a completely different world. So I am writing to pay my respects to you, hoping that, though I will be despised by the world over, you will at least have sympathy for me.ำ

Colonel Pin replied in a letter dated February 7, 1955, offering sympathy and suggesting 5 possible solutions for Private Vor as follows:

1. Kill the stepmother and her daughter, then serve the jail term;

2. Kill the pair and commit suicide;

3. Kill the pair and flee the kingdom;

4. Talk his father into divorcing the stepmother, and let them die of their own accord;

5. Do none of those and focus on working hard. Leaving them to whatever ill fate has in store for them.

Colonel Pin also said that, as Private Vor can kill the wicked twosome at any time, his allowing them to live meant he was the true winner. But if he resorted to one of the first three choices, he would then become a loser because no matter which of those he chose, his sister would be in great suffering. The poor girl had already lost her mother; her father had re-married; her heart, her life, and her only hope rested on the hands of her brother. If he were to die of any misfortune, even entering the sacred monastic life wouldnีt help alleviate the agony she would have to bear.

Besides, when two people fight and die, both are judged losers. His killing the stepmother and her daughter, then going to prison, is tantamount to death itself.

The fourth way is not a good choice as it is equivalent to punishing Vor's father.

The last option is the best Vor's enemies are about to be ruined due to their heavy gambling. Anyone possessed by the Ghost of Gambling is said to die standing a horrible, despicable death dead while still alive. The stepmother, already suffering from gambling, will die shortly, so why should Vor throttle her and become a murderer, which is unnecessary.

Colonel Pin concluded that, as Vor was about to leave the military service, he should not commit any crime, and suggested the soldier go on a trip or find a job in Phitsanulok. Once he got a job, he could pick up his sister, who, in the near future, would doubtlessly get married and have a family.

Following the Colonel's instructions, Private Vor got a job as a private school teacher. He wrote back, saying he would soon pick up his sister from the monastery, then start working hard for a secure life and future.

(Excerpt from Folk Problems,
by Colonel Pin Muthukan)

To save military honor and reputation, Private Vor therefore contained his anger within himself, without allowing it to overwhelm him, which could have led to the killing or physical attack on the stepmother and her daughter. Therefore, reflection on our title, rank, education, age, reputation of the family and institution, as well as social position, can help stop or alleviate anger.

Nowadays, teenagers, instead of thinking about the reputation of their schools as a means to relieve anger and refrain from unscrupulous and evil actions that could tarnish the name of their institution, tend to have erroneous ideas. They adhere to their institution in the wrong way, causing anger to escalate into violence, and turning themselves into criminals and murderers. Based on only the opponent's institution names, these youths, without any personal enmity, join in free-for-all violence which leads to deaths, injuries, and damage to property as well as the reputations of their beloved institutions.

Carefully considering the pros and cons, Private Vor decided to follow Colonel Pin's suggestions and let his enemies meet their own fate. He might be the loser from the stepmother's point of view, but he is the winner in the eyes of good people.

People do good or wrong, that's their business
Don't step in and put fleas onto your head.
If things turn to be a complete mess,
Leave it, and let them meet their own fate.

(Uthan Dharma)

Never socialize with crooks. They are like charcoal, which give you blisters when hot and, even when cold, still dirty your hands.

(Hitopadesha, translated by Sathirakoses)

Rudeness to others lowers one's own personal worth.

Bright is the life of those far from anger.

Having killed anger, you sleep in serenity. Having slain anger, you have no enemy.

Knowing how to think deeply and carefully leads to ability to control anger.

Anger makes a person react, through speech and action, in a rude, unruly way. Through anger, a gentleman degenerates into a scoundrel, a nobleman into a peasant (and a human into an animal). Should you get back at the infuriated person and react in a disgusting manner just like him/her, you reducing yourself to a cruel, uncivilized, fierce being (like an animal which bites at everybody) that is no different from the angry one? Why?

Does launching verbal attacks result in victory or defeat? Some people believe they are the winner when they just insult others one-sidedly, or can do so in the most offensive way. In fact, anybody who utters an offensive word is already a loser overwhelmed by anger (or other defilements). On the other hand, those who can put up with insults without lashing back even if they can do so are the real winner, for they can triumph over anger, which is hard to overcome.

If one wants to wag his, let him do so.
But pay no attention to his story.
Do not fight back, causing pain and strife,
Then irritation will go and you will be happy.

(Uthan Dharma)</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>​

 

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>Subduing the Defiant

In a time long past, there was a king called Brahmadatta who reigned the city of Baranasi. His only son, Prince Dutthakumara, was unruly and ill-mannered; the king and the royal family had attempted to reform him, but to no avail.

One day, the king saw a hermit who had traveled from the mythical Himabanta forest. Having faith in the holy man, the king invited him to stay in the royal garden, ordering the gardener to take good care of him, and paid homage to him everyday.

On one occasion, the king took his son to the hermit and said: My son is quick-tempered and ill-mannered, and we have been unable to reform him. Please teach him to behave. Then the king went back to the palace.

The holy man took the boy around the garden. When he saw a neem sprout with two small leaves, he said to the youth: Why don't you try this neem leaf? Chew it and see what it tastes like.

The young prince did as he was told. Once he tasted it, he spat it out instantaneously.

What is it like? asked the hermit.

The prince replied, This tree is a powerful poison. It will kill a lot of people when it is fully grown. Then he uprooted the sprout and crushed it with his own hands.

The hermit said, You said this shoot, though young, is very bitter, so what will it become when it grows? The tree is no good, and that's why you pulled it out and destroyed it. What you feel about the neem tree is similar to the way your people feel about you. They will say: The king's son, though at this tender age, is merciless and quick-tempered; what will become of him when he grows up? How could we trust him to lead us to prosperity? Then, not only will they stop you from ascending the throne, they will get rid of you, like a neem tree, and expel you from the kingdom. Hence, you should give up fierceness and rudenes; instead, you should cultivate patience, compassion, and generosity within yourself.

After that, the prince became obedient. He was also patient, merciful, and munificent, and observed the hermit's instruction. He became king after his father passed away.

Kill anger before it kills you!

The moral of this story (Ekapannajataka) is that an ill-tempered, ill-mannered bully is not loved by his/her own family, spouse, or children, nor is he/she well-liked by his/her relatives and friends, not to mention other people.

Even a good person, when overcome by anger, turns into a cruel, terrible person, like a venomous snake that is about to bite, a bloodthirsty robber who intends to rob and kill, an atrocious man-eating ogre. Should we, therefore, allow anger to overwhelm us, to reduce us to a wretched, despicable person? We are born human, but when possessed by anger, we degenerate into animal, criminal, or even monster, and dare to commit misdeeds without feeling ashamed. We tend to destroy our humanity by being enslaved to anger.

If barked at or bitten by a fierce dog,
Do not bite him back that is stupid indeed!
Likewise, if met by a cruel rogue,
Avoid him his presence does not heed.

(An old saying)

Avoiding scoundrels is appropriate; fighting scoundrels is not, for you have already lost before the fight begins.</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

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<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>The Giver Will Win Friendship

There was a middle-aged lady who owned one vast banana grove and one sapodilla plum grove, both of which were in Thonburi province but were at different locations. As her husband worked in another province, and the lady herself couldn't keep an eye on both orchards, the fruits, still green and unripe, were stolen from time to time. Instead of grumbling or cursing the thieves like other growers, she kept silent as if nothing had happened.

One day, several bunches of bananas disappeared, so the lady decided to leave a note where the fruits were stolen. The note read: I know who took the bananas, but I will not take legal action. I do not mind your taking them, and I am not an unkind person, so you can have my permission to take as many as you like.

After the note had been placed, the stolen bananas re-appeared in the same place, with a message written on a dried banana leaf. It read: Dear Madam, I never knew you are such a kind person. Your kindness makes me feel ashamed. I would like to return the bananas I took the other day. I will not trouble you anymore.

The lady also put similar note in her sapodilla plum grove. It read: I don't mind your collecting the fruits, but please wait until they are big enough and ready to eat. If you pick them when green, they will not ripen and will be inedible. Please take them when they are ripe.

It has been two years now and the fruits have never been stolen since.

(From The Law of Karma, by Tor Liangpiboon)

Never take goodness for stupidity; never take modesty for weakness.

(Chinese proverb, translated by
Supanee Piyapasuntara)

A sweet smile brings charm. A serious scowl brings harm.

Highway authorities of Australia have put up large and colorful billboards of a smiling face along the streets. The feedback was overwhelming; motorists all agreed that the smiling signs helped them calm down. Authorities plan to erect them along more roads across the country.

(Matichon newspaper, September 24, 2002)

If you want love, why not grow it,
For it will not be handed to you for free?
If you want friendship, be first to give it,
Then you will be rewarded with like cordiality.

(La-orng Meesedthee)</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>​

 

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>The Angry Die More Quickly

At the time that I (Tor Liangpiboon) was admitted for treatment at Chulalongkorn hospital, in a special room next to mine was a recuperating senior aristocrat. One day, he paid me a visit. He asked me about my illness and cordially told me that he would be returning home in a couple of days. The next day, he walked to my bed, smiling, and said he was leaving the hospital in the following evening, so I congratulated him on his speedy recovery.

The next morning, there was a commotion in his room. When my attendant came, I asked him to see what happened.

The attendant came back and told me that the door was slightly opened, but nobody was allowed in, which meant that the aristocrat was possibly in danger. Later, I heard that he died that day, despite the attempts made to save his life. The cause of his death was the old man's very own daughter who, unfortunately, must have done something so wrong that the father had refused to forgive her, to see her, or to let her in the house for many years. Learning that he was ill and was back on his feet, the daughter came to pay him a visit. The sight of his much-hated child triggered his fury. Mouth wide-open, he collapsed, and departed his life.

(From The Law of Karma, by Tor Liangpiboon)

The wrongs of others are like mountain;
Ours are smaller than a hair.
The fart of others smells intolerable;
Ours, though, is quite fair.

(Uthan Dharma)

Too much food spoils your health; too much anger spoils your mind.

(Chinese proverb, translated by
Supanee Piyapasuntara)

In September 2002, Mr. Mo, a 31-year-old businessman, attended a business meeting at a hotel in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Negotiations must have failed, for Mr. Mo came out, apparently in a bad mood. When a dog barked at him, the man angrily kicked it. Mrs. Bong, the dog owner and also the wife of the hotel owner, saw the whole incident. She reproached him for his cruelty, and they quarreled noisily.

When Mr. Bong heard the squabble, he got into a rage, grabbed a samurai rapier, and went in hot pursuit of Mr. Mo. The latter ran for his life, and, cornered, jumped down from the fourth floor balcony. Mr. Mo suffered critical injuries and, an hour later, was pronounced dead at the hospital.

(Matichon newspaper, September 28, 2002)

In Modesto, California, on October 7, 2002, a 45-year-old woman got into a fight with her 65-year-old husband after he refused to have * with her. Infuriated, the wife literally sank her teeth into her poor old husband, already plagued by heart disease and diabetes, causing him to out in pain. With more than 20 bite marks found all over his body, the unfortunate man died 11 days later.

Police said they were also bitten by the ferocious wife when they arrived at the scene. She was charged with murder and injuring state officers.

(Matichon newspaper, October 20, 2002)

One minute of anger may cause you to suffer for life.
Anger burns with heat, like a bonfire
That drives one crazy, like a beast,
Causing troubles and dangers most dire.
So, let's kill anger, our sins will cease.

(Ambassador of the Mind)

One goes through life having to encounter all kinds of sufferings. Cold, heat, hunger, thirst, aging, illness, and death, already give us almost unbearable suffering there is no need to add more pain and sin by killing and hurting one another. Instead, we should help each other out to eliminate life's woes.

This world is full of uncertainties. Also, human life is short-lived, like a flash of lightning that quickly disappears, like a dream that we soon forget, like our ancestors who have already passed away. Likewise, both ourselves and the target of our anger, shall soon leave this world. Thus, there is no good in maintaining feelings of antagonism and hatred towards one another.

Looking at others as friends sharing a similar fate being victims of illness, aging, and death as well as contemplating the uncertainty of life, will help alleviate anger.

Nothing in the world lives forever,
Whatever is born, death must find
In the end, we must perish sooner or later
Hence, why not kill anger in our mind?

(Ambassador of the Mind)</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

​

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>Examples of Anger Management in Daily Life

If someone wakes you up with a telephone call in the middle of the night, don't get angry. The caller may have dialed a wrong number, or it may be an emergency. Ask before you jump to conclusions. If it is, indeed, a prank caller, just think Forget it! He is either mad or drunk. Remember the saying, Don't mind the mad, don't blame the drunk. If you get annoyed, then you will just lose sleep and the prankster will have succeeded. He may even do it again! But if you ignore it, he will lose interest and stop bothering you.

If someone cuts in front of you on the road, don't get angry. Just think Perhaps she is in an emergency and forgive her. Or else, think Forget it! If she wants to drive recklessly, then she will either have an accident or be stopped by the police. There is no point in getting annoyed by this type of person because you will risk losing concentration which may cause you to have an accident yourself!

If you hear someone whom you hold in high respect being berated or gossiped about, it would be pretty hard not to get angry. This is because getting angry is easy it requires no special abilities or skills even a baby can get angry with no practice! Not getting angry when provoked, on the other hand, is difficult. It is a special ability, as difficult to find and as rare as a diamond. Therefore, if you want to become a priceless diamond, don't get angry easily.

Another line of thought is that even the mightiest of people such as religious leaders or leaders of superpower nations are berated or gossiped about. Humans and gossip go hand in hand. It is unavoidable. Therefore, as it is impossible to stop people from talking, one should rather protect one's own heart from anger. Purifying you own heart is much better than trying to improve others.

If your religious beliefs are condemned, just reflect on the fact that both sides in any conflict will believe that they are right and the opposing side is wrong. In the same way, people with different faiths will believe themselves to be right and others to be wrong. Conflict between different religions has been around for a long time. It has led to numerous wars both in the past and present, and will also do so in the future. If you have true faith in your religion and truly believe others to be wrong, there is no need to listen to the criticisms of others. If you are sure that they are wrong, do warn them out of compassion, but if they choose not to listen, then do not get angry or vindictive. Let them face their own fate!.

Sometimes even relatives get angry at each other over small matters. Both sides will be too proud and obstinate to speak to each other. However, if either side sends a gift, such as a New Year's card or a birthday present, to the other, the forming of a bridge with a gift can ease the tension.</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>​

 

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="94%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=postbody vAlign=top>Conclusion

All the thoughts, sayings, proverbs and stories in this book on how to prevent yourself from being a victim of anger can be summarized as follows:

1. Consider the harm caused by anger: anger is poisonous to the body as one cannot eat or sleep. It causes feelings to become heated and the face to become ugly. Those who are close to you feel uncomfortable and draw apart. It causes you to lose control and cause trouble and arguments which may end with injury or death. If you are not angry, your body does not suffer, your close friends and family are not troubled. Control over anger is therefore beneficial both to yourself and those close to you. One reader related the following personal experience which showed the detrimental effect of anger as well as the power of controlling one's anger:

In the second round of the All Thailand Table Tennis Championships team event, our opposition tried to provoke us and succeeded in making us angry. We were really mad and that caused us to perform poorly and went down by 2 sets and would have lost if we dropped one more set. However, when we managed to calm our minds and stem the angry feelings, our performance changed and we won the last 3 sets, taking us through to the third round.

(A. Thassanasuwan, a university student)

2. Don't think or care about things or people that cause you to anger. If you don't think or care, then you will be able to let go of anger. Pretend that you are watching television, when disturbing or distressing pictures that you do not like come on, you can close your eyes or even switch the television off!

3. Switch your thoughts to those which will not cause you to anger. The examples are as follows:

Think of good things that you are proud of like the fact that you are the love of your family, that you are a good citizen.

Think of the beauty of nature, a running brook of cold and clear water, a magnificent sky with rainbow of many colors or brightly colored flowers with refreshingly sweet perfume.

Think of your status, rank, family or educational background and control anger. For example, a boss who takes advantage of his position to scold or reprimand his subordinates for no reason will lose their respect, while at the same time, a subordinate who is aggressive and likes to argue with her boss loses her good manners as well as her future.

4. Find something to do to make you forget your anger such as doing exercise, watching television, going for a walk, doing housework or reading a book.

5. Try to discover the reasons for your anger. Find the source or contributing factors. Once you find the root cause of your anger it is much easier to control.

6. Vent your anger by finding a quiet place, away from other people and then shouting as much as you want. Or else you can vent your anger through writing down your feelings. You may even write down your enemy's name on a piece of paper and then scratch it out, crumple it up, and burn it! Once you have relieved your anger, forgive your enemy and stop feeling angry. This should be done only if all the other methods are ineffective.

Anger is the greatest threat to the world. It is the real terrorist, humanity's true enemy. Even the best friends and members of family are turned into bitter enemies by anger. Humans should look for ways to destroy anger and not for ways to kill or harm each other at anger's bidding. The many ways proposed above are like armor and weapons in the fight against anger. The readers are invited to choose from them to arm themselves in the battle against anger. Even if you do not manage to kill the anger, at least you will be protected from it.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Smile sweetly and the whole world will be happy.

Peace comes when anger subsides,
Then man can smile and have fun.
Gone is anger, here is peace, the day is won;
Happy indeed the world with anger gone.

(Ambassador of the Mind)



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About the Author

1973-77 Bachelor of Engineering in Electrical Engineering
Chulalongkorn University, Thailand

1978-80 Master of Science in Computer Science
University of Texas at Arlington
Arlington, Texas 76019, U.S.A.

1980-83 Digital Test Engineer
Scientific Machines Corporation
2636 Walnut Hill Lane, Suite 200
Dallas, Texas 75229, U.S.A.</TD></TR><TR><TD> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


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